Sacred Space and time……

I prefer to use the word scared in front of space, because as you will read on its really sacred and once you deicide to have it your self you too will called it sacred.

I still remember as a seminarian, once we began to live in our individual rooms I would cherish the time I spent alone in my room all by myself…it gave me the time to reflect, look back on the events that happened and also plan for the future. Silence was no more killing, but silence was music for my ears.

For those who know me I was not like that before. I always wanted to be in company of friends, loved noise and entertainment and loved entertaining others. I would listen to loud music, always wanted someone to be there by my side. In fact I was holding on to things and persons that made my life difficult to live and for others too. I loved cracking jokes and making other laugh.

But in Seminary things began to change. I enjoyed the silence that came along. I would enjoy the Music of silence and cherished every moment of it. In fact I would look forward to the morning silence at our morning prayer or the silence during our recollections. It gave the space and the time for my self in a crowed and fast space world.

What changed me? Is a million dolor question. Once I was reflecting on the Scripture passage where Jesus got up early in the morning and went to the hill to pray. As I reflected on this passage, I realized that even Jesus although he had come for the people to establish the Kingdom of God here on earth, too wanted to have a time for himself, a time that he called HIS.

A few years later I met a friend who was having a problem in her married life. She shared with me her whole life story and how she made space and time for herself, her husband and kids too. After many years of love and marriage, they began to have problems in their lives. Years of arguments and fights only destroyed them. After many years she made up her mind… there has to be a solution to all this. She wanted some fresh air. Separation was not the answer. After a lot of thinking she finally decided to have her own space. Although they lived under the same roof, same room, they lived as individuals, yet being there for each other when there was a need. If one is sick or indisposed, the other would step in to help. The bond that brought them together in the first place has had a chance to strengthen again. Its not a marriage of love songs, but it has brought a measure of happiness to both.

Kahil Gibran, a modern day poet has this to say: “You shall be together even in silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Sing and dance and be joyous, but let each of you be alone..”

Space is needed in all spheres of life be it single, religious or married life. But it can change from time to time. For example, for a person who has had a break down in relationship he/she could find that space or time unfriendly yet at the same time a help to live their feelings. While on the other hand people madly in love or newly married couples would look forward to these moments of being alone with each other. But as life goes on this feeling of intimacy may give way to a feeling of crowded, especially after a disagreement. And if that disagreement is serious, it makes every contact with that person difficult and painful.

We know how animals mark out and defend their territory, birds by their song, mammals by their smell. Children have an animal feel for their patch: they do not like others invading their bed, [ or their side of the bed ],their drawer, or cupboard or chair or toys, or if they are lucky even their rooms. That need persists even in the intimacy of marriage. Even loving adults need room to stretch and be themselves. So it is important to keep some space for yourself, a time that you can call your own.

So if you sense a desire to be alone, don’t feel guilty. Make space for your self. It will help solve many problem.